Lazy Bum :)

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Finally after a month i am blogging shogging:) feels so good!

I keep asking myself why sometimes it takes me so long to write. I make excuses, such as I have been busy, nothing exciting has really happened. Then I dig in and ask myself why am I really not writing?

I believe sometimes more often that not, I create a numbness into my life. It's as if I try to shut off my desire to want to feel so much. It ends up being very unsuccessful. You see, I thrive on excitement, I long to feel alive. I think it's something that we all long to feel, it's in many ways what the purpose of living really is.

Some people rely on being able to feel a sense of security. I have learned at times it helps to feel this, but deep down I know that there is not anything that is ever really secure. So why fight to feel something that at the end of the day is not really guaranteed.

I don't want to feel numb; I don't want to think this is it. I know there is more. I want more and yet I make myself numb.

It's easier to shut off the very desire to want to feel alive, than to realize that your not living at all. You’re just floating on, going with the flow of the current, and just letting it take you wherever it may. Sure, it's not easy to fight the current.. It's not easy, but it’s not easy to live everyday, knowing you want more. It's not easy to feel so much and just numb it.

The only thing that is ever guaranteed in LIFE is DEATH! Must we wait to feel the pressure of knowing we have little time? If we even have that luxury. I need it now!!!

I rather be Alive and Unsure than Numb and Secure!

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